Choosing Your Conflicts Wisely: The Key to a Harmonious Household

By [Guest blog by Parent of A child with ADHD]

The Power of Positivity: Choosing Your Conflicts
Promoting positivity. Concentrating on their abilities, on their achievements. Diminishing and redirecting those moments when they don’t quite hit the target.

Sounds straightforward, right?

Stay positive, even when my ADHD child is driving me to the brink? When I’ve asked him, as clearly and courteously as possible, to switch off his gadgets and get to sleep, for the umpteenth time that day? When I’m tempted to shout and dispose of his mobile?

Yes. Without a doubt.

FIND OUT
Foster positivity.
We delve into this topic in our Parenting Success System coaching groups and during Sanity School® sessions. It’s woven into our ImpactParents Model and is fundamental to our coaching approach. We, as parents, unanimously want to be more uplifting and supportive. We also aim to be less judgmental and irritated.

But how do you choose your conflicts wisely?

Josh McDowell said, “Rules without relationship result in resistance.” This holds so much truth.

I can attest that my effectiveness as a parent diminishes when my children feel a disconnection from me, when they perceive that I’m not on their team. When our relationship is strong, my ability to guide and influence is amplified.

Consider this morning, for example.
My child has been facing challenges over the past few weeks. Something personal is troubling him. Although it’s evident to me, he’s not ready to discuss it with me – primarily because confiding in Mom isn’t considered ‘cool’ at the moment. So my task is to subtly support him without him realizing it.

The issue is that whatever is distressing him is now affecting his school work and his adherence to house rules. Plenty of things to rectify or penalize.

However, instead of asking, “What does my child need to comply with the rules and complete his homework?” a positive parenting approach prompts a different direction. If I pause and ask myself, “What does my kid need now to feel loved and supported?” I am rejoining his team.

This shift in perspective changes the solutions, the approach, and ultimately broadens your parenting opportunities. Instead of shouting, you’re offering them their favorite snack; instead of everyone retiring to bed upset and annoyed, they’re watching a movie with you and bidding you goodnight with a kiss. Instead of shutting you out, your children let you in (even if it’s just a bit).

So, back to this morning. My initial reaction was to become angry and switch into “search and destroy mode.” Recognizing that there wasn’t an immediate crisis that couldn’t wait a few hours to be addressed, I was able to calm myself enough to problem-solve. I centered the morning around getting ready and connecting with my kid – so that we CAN have a challenging conversation AFTER school.

As an added advantage, I even managed to discover something unexpected – a crucial element to support my teen in dealing with this particularly tricky phase of his life. I have to withhold further details for now – to respect his privacy – but I’ll update you when I can.

Learn to Reorient Your Focus
In the meantime, here’s the take-home message: when you can take a deep breath, maintain your composure, and focus on fostering a strong relationship, the opportunities you’re seeking will naturally emerge. Even better, you’ll transition from trying to figure out how to pick your battles to working collaboratively with your kids to create a more tranquil home.

Struggling with choosing your conflicts wisely? Trust me, staying positive is the way to go!