Navigating Summer Challenges: A Guide for ADHD MomsBy [Dr. Anish]

Remember the sheer joy and excitement of the last day of school before the summer break as a child? Wouldn’t it be great to relive that carefree time? For parents, especially those dealing with ADHD, we all know “summer vacation” doesn’t exactly translate to a break for everyone. So, how can ADHD moms tackle the stressors of summer?

Transitioning into a new season or phase of life can present unique challenges for adults with ADHD. Issues with planning, organizing, maintaining focus, staying alert, and remembering details can add a layer of difficulty that others might not fully appreciate.

The ADHD Mom Experience
ADHD moms often encounter more hurdles than their neurotypical counterparts. If a mom with ADHD relies on external structures to aid her weakened working memory and time management skills, even minor changes in routine can throw her off for days.

With kids spending more time at home, clutter and disorganization can increase, putting added strain on the already taxed organizational system of an ADHD brain. This intensifies the sense of chaos, making daily life seem unmanageably hectic.

And let’s not forget the stress of planning and executing vacations.

LEARN HOW
The Overwhelming Task of Packing
A seemingly straightforward task such as packing for a vacation can become a daunting summer stressor for a mom with ADHD. Packing isn’t a favorite activity for most, and many tend to procrastinate until the last moment. But for an ADHD mom, packing might be the most overwhelming part of the journey.

Packing requires:

Sequencing – “Make a list, find the suitcase, gather clothes, gather toiletries, and remember your underwear and medication!”
Time management and awareness – “We need to leave in an hour and nothing’s packed yet!”
Staying on task – “Why am I in the basement? What am I down here for? What was I doing before?”
Prospective Memory (Remembering to Remember) – “Don’t forget to add your toothbrush in the morning!”
Organizational skills – “Should I roll or stack the t-shirts?”
Detail memory – “Did they mention the event was business casual? What was that item I wished I had brought last time?”
Consideration of special needs – “Did I remove the tags from Joey’s new shirts? Is the white noise machine ready?”
Planning ahead – “Order your medication and pick it up so you don’t run out during the trip, then make sure it’s packed safely.”
It’s easy to see how something designed to be relaxing can also be stressful and demanding, particularly for a brain that already battles with attention, organization, focus, memory, initiation, follow-through, time management, and impulse control!

When Structure Decreases, Does Guilt Increase?
The relaxed structure of summer – family gatherings, travel, preparing kids for camp – leads to less stability, making an ADHD woman feel as if she’s on shaky ground. While it may seem reasonable to ask for help or decline invitations to lessen the burden, feelings of guilt and shame often intervene.

Do you ever think:

The neighbors host weekly BBQs in their immaculately maintained garden. My work colleagues always return from their exotic vacations tanned and relaxed, sharing perfectly angled pictures with just the right lighting. Why can’t I just keep it together?!

Does this sound familiar? It’s hard not to compare and feel judged as “not enough” or “too much.” As the pressures mount, so does the overwhelm.

Strategies to Make Summer More Enjoyable
Here are some tips to help make this summer less stressful and more enjoyable:

Question the old narrative – Challenge the repeating thoughts in your head that insist it’s not okay to do things differently.
Overcome fear – Ask for help, say no, assert your needs.
Create time and space – Reduce your list of tasks, projects, and expectations. Assume that everything will take twice as long as you initially think. Allow time for transition.
Define responsibilities – Who is responsible for what? Don’t assume everyone is on the same page. Discuss household duties with partners and children.
Communicate effectively – If you’re unsure, say you’ll think about it. If you want to say no, say no. If you want to say yes, say yes. Speak up when you need help or feel let down, but do so in a caring and gentle way.
Anticipate ADHD challenges and obstacles – Be kind to yourself when they arise.
Engage in play – Allocate time for play! It’s a basic human need. Dance, play outdoors, take a walk, sing, watch a comedy, read for leisure, play games with friends or family, or enroll in an improv or painting class. Just play. Laugh. Move.
Focus on what’s essential – (Hint: They’re often small and intangible!)
Remember What Truly Matters
Above all, remember what’s truly important. Reflect on the memories you want your children to hold when they reminisce about their summers with you.

In the end, do you want your children to recall a rigidly scheduled and meticulously organized summer, or do you want them to remember summers filled with playfulness and laughter?

Consider what brings joy to your family, and do more of that. Yes, ADHD will be part of the journey, and summer stressors will inevitably occur, but they’re just one part of your story.

And let’s not forget the strengths that ADHD moms bring! You are warm, funny, sunny, gentle, adaptable, creative, and beautifully chaotic in a way that teaches children it’s okay not to be perfect.

Embrace the journey with all its ups and downs, and take the time to dance in the sunlight or splash in the puddles. Soak up every moment!