The Art of Using Rewards to Improve Your Child’s Behavior: A Comprehensive Guide

Rewards can be a powerful tool for shaping and improving your child’s behavior. However, using rewards effectively is more than just handing out treats or privileges. It involves a thoughtful approach that focuses on teaching new skills and reinforcing positive behaviors. This article will explore the do’s and don’ts of using rewards to improve your child’s challenging behavior, especially for children with ADHD, autism, or executive functioning challenges.

Understanding the Power of Positive Reinforcement

The use of rewards to change behavior is based on the concept of positive reinforcement, a strategy that falls under the umbrella of behavioral interventions or applied behavior analysis (ABA). Positive reinforcement involves adding something desirable following a behavior to increase or teach a new skill. For instance, when teaching a child to sit on the potty, parents often offer praise, stickers, or tangible items as rewards for successful attempts. This is a typical example of using positive reinforcement to teach a new skill.

At a biological level, when a child learns a behavior, a neural connection is made in the brain. The more a child gets access to what they want, the more that neural connection in the brain is reinforced. Over time, this connection becomes strong and efficient, and the behavior becomes almost automatic. Therefore, if we want our kids to learn new behaviors, we must create new neural connections that become efficient and automatic. We can do this by teaching new desirable behaviors and providing positive reinforcement.

The Do’s and Don’ts of Using Rewards

1. Do Plan Ahead
   Before you start giving out rewards, think about what specific behaviors you want to teach your child at home. Review these behavioral expectations with your child and model them. For instance, if you are teaching following directions, show your child examples of what it looks like and does not look like to follow directions.
2. Don’t Use Negative Language
   When setting expectations, use positive language. Instead of focusing on what you don’t want your child to do, focus on what you want them to do. For instance, instead of saying “don’t hit,” say “use gentle hands.”
3. Do Keep It Simple
   Create a reward system that is easy to implement and that your child finds fun and exciting. The more complicated the system, the more likely you are to abandon it.
4. Don’t Be Vague with Praise
   When your child does something right, be specific with your praise. Instead of just saying “good job,” tell them exactly what they did well. This helps your child understand exactly what behavior is being rewarded.
5. Do Provide Immediate Feedback
   Offer immediate and frequent feedback, especially when you are first teaching a new skill. This helps your child understand what they are doing well and reinforces the positive behavior.
6. Don’t Just Use Material Rewards
   While candy, toys, or other tangible items can be effective rewards, also consider using privileges or activities that your child enjoys. This could include extra screen time, a special outing, or the chance to choose a family activity.
7. Don’t Reward Already Motivating Behaviors
   If your child is already motivated to do a task, there’s no need to reward them for it. Instead, focus on using rewards to encourage behaviors that your child finds challenging or is not yet consistently demonstrating.
8. Do Establish Clear Expectations
   Make sure your child knows what behavior is expected of them and what they will receive when they meet those expectations. This helps prevent the use of rewards from turning into bribery.
9. Don’t Forget to Be Patient
   Remember that learning new behaviors takes time, especially for children with ADHD, autism, or executive functioning challenges. Be patient with your child’s progress and celebrate small victories along the way.
10. Do Embrace Mistakes
    Mistakes are a natural part of learning. Encourage your child to see mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow, rather than as failures. This helps build resilience and a growth mindset.

In conclusion, using rewards to improve your child’s behavior involves more than just handing out treats. It requires a thoughtful approach that focuses on teaching new skills, reinforcing positive behaviors, and providing consistent and specific feedback. By following these do’s and don’ts, you can use rewards effectively to help your child learn and grow.